Acts 6:5 … they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit...
Acts 13:22 … I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which will fulfill all my will.
I couldn't give an answer
This takes me back to a few months ago when I was reading a devotional by Francis Chan where he posed a question that has been central to the turn around of my Christian Life. It goes - If you get offered heaven for eternity, everything you've ever wanted and the same for your loved ones, but without Jesus - will you take it? Will you accept this deal? I was shocked and couldn't believe that I didn't immediately say no. How do I say I love God when I could just give him up like that for the "good life"? How can I be a person after God's heart when He's nothing but optional for me? How can I be full of the Spirit when I didn't feel connected enough to quickly say no when the option was offered? How do I see my relationship with God if He's not one of my "loved ones"?
Why was He so disposable?
Back then, I felt such great heaviness in my heart and then I tried to imagine how God felt about it. God loves me completely but He's optional in my life. Imagine wasting time praying and struggling through bible reading (real struggle) but not truly loving him. Imagine me asking and asking for blessings and favor, asking Him to show up for me but not loving him enough to chose Him in addition to others - not even above all.
I was shattered.
But being shattered is not enough - the Holy Spirit led me to that devotional then, and these bible passages now for a reason, it's time for a real turn around. Sure, I may love Jesus enough that my answer when asked to chose heaven without Him has changed, but do I love Him enough to live so completely for Him that the world identifies me by Jesus?
Lord, as the deer pants for water so do I pant for you - I don't just want to be near You, I want to be connected to you, plugged in and I want to truly encounter you in ways I never imagined, I want to be so into you that the world and all it offers take second place. I want you more than anything else, please help me to grow in my love and trust of you - give me fresh encounters, I want to be full of faith and of the Spirit, I want to be a woman after Your own heart.
